Today marks seven weeks since Kieran and I got married. It might not seem like a particularly special anniversary to celebrate, but it’s a significant milestone because it is the longest amount of time I’ve ever been married. Cam and I had only 6 weeks and 6 days of marriage.
I shared with Kieran a few weeks ago that subconsciously I feared that our marriage would also ‘disappear’, because this is what past experience has taught me. It hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind, but it has been a lingering and strange feeling, to expect, and anticipate, without any valid reason, that Kieran wouldn’t be with me and I would suddenly be alone, no longer married again. It perplexes me that even though we are in the middle of completely different circumstances, with no illness staring us in the face every day, with no matter-of-weeks prognosis looming over us like dark clouds, with no conversations of death and funeral plans being had, that my mind has still played tricks on me so far as to ‘expect’ something similar to happen.
This phase after my wedding in 2011, I was shattered, lost in concealed tears, traumatised and alone. Today, seven weeks into my new marriage, I am so deeply thankful to have my health, to have a step-daughter and step-son to call my family, and to have a loving, funny, kind, empathetic, compassionate husband, who adores me and supports me and encourages me to be who God shapes me to be. Stepping into a step-family has not been easy. I have frequent days where fear makes me want to run away because I don’t feel like I am capable of being what this family needs. It’s hard to admit that this family is in fact exactly what I need and God knows it. As I slowly work through the fears and the false doubts of my capabilities, Kieran is right there with me, and I know that God is creating a new thing, and just as He promised that He would return to me what I have lost (see post from Jan 2014) He has and is continuing to restore what I have lost.
“…He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.” ~ Isaiah 61:3
So, to my husband, happy seven week anniversary, my love. We made it. Here’s to the next seven decades together.