Walking in the wide open spaces of God's grace

Archive for March, 2013

To live again. To love again.

It’s been too long since my last post. I really wasn’t intended to stop writing or leave such a large gap. I suppose it’s just one of those things where life gets in the way. There has been emotional ups and downs, but for the most part, the last 7 months have been positive.

The first anniversary of Cam’s death was a marked moment in my grief. A line drawn in the sand and a step across to a side of decision. Decision to live again. Decision to be happy. Decision to not let the traumatic events of Cam’s death torment me anymore. I have decided not to relive it. And so if I find my mind flickering towards those memories, I think about or do something that makes me happy, distracts me. It’s not suppressing pain or grief for I believe I have grieved well. It is choosing to move forward and live in peace. And that I am. I feel deep peace. The heaviness and pain I felt has gone. I’m very much enjoying being free from stress, sadness and anxiety. Cam is free, and so am I.

Since my last post, God relentlessly continues to bless me and provide for me. I started a full-time job as a Trainer at the end of August. It took me two months to find work after I came back from the states but it has turned out to be the perfect job for me. I absolutely love it. The people are lovely, the company really looks after their staff and after more than 10 years of indecision, I feel like I have finally found my niche. I have found my passion in training people.

In October I moved into a lovely little townhouse not far from the city and close to my office. This being my 11th move in 10 years, I am happy to settle here for a while.

I am still surrounded by amazing, caring, generous people. I spent Christmas with my family in Queensland, the first since I moved to Perth in 2010. I was able to enjoy this Christmas. The Christmas before, the first without Cam, I wanted to hide from the world, to curl up and die.

In December, a dear friend moved in to my spare room. She is the same age as me and sadly also lost her partner a week after Cam died. God most certainly put us together to share our journey and support each other in grief and moving forward in life. He knows. He knows exactly what we need even when we don’t know that we need it. It’s rather uncanny how in sync the events in our life have been since we were both widowed. She has been a blessing and an absolutely pleasure to know and live with. She’s one of those people I know I’ll grow old with, even if we live on opposites sides of the world.

In February, I turned another year older. Three years shy of 30 now.